"A BOAT, FINALLY OUR CHANCE TO BE RESCUED!" i think to myself, wait this is probably just a mirage this island is hot so i wouldn't be surprised. "Piggy and Simon do you see it? That Boat?" I scream across the beach. They respond excited over the thrill of finding an adult after a few weeks on this island. "Wait a minute," Piggy says. "Where's the Fire?" Piggy says. This is preposterous we find a boat and we don't have a fire, just like those stupid hunters and that stupid Jack, he's power hungry! Always wantin' the attention. Quick i think, to the opalescence mountain we have to see whats going on, this boat cant leave !
Incredulously! The one moment we need a fire their gone this is unbelievable i hate jack! he's ruining all of our chances we could've been out of here a chance to escape to our parents our Mum's and our Dad's. This implication is crazy, isn't it natural to remember fire first so we can get rescued. What is he thinking?
"Kill The Pig" they chant some kind of song they made, Jack i say, there was a boat were was our fire? You ruined one of our chances to get rescued. "Yeah!" says piggy. In a shrill high pitched voice Jack replies we killed a pig. I think to myself so you would rather a pig die then be rescued? This is irrelevant i don't want to hear anymore I'm very frustrated at the hunters and most of all jack. I'm leaders you agree to take my orders and you disobey them.
"BAM!" Jack punches piggy with a dirty and malevolent look. Piggy starts to whimper as i think i should stop this madness, but if i get on the hunters bad side i fear my safety. "THATS IT!" I scream. "I'm blowing the conch I'm having a meeting we need to discuss this stuff, maybe then i can put some sense into this gyration!" As i storm off the pact follows, Jack, the hunters, and everyone else.
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4 comments:
I was immdeiately plunged into your world in this story. But I had to guess the words you highlighted as they look like a mirage in the background. "They respond excited over the thrill of finding an adult after a few weeks on this " a few commas here and there, a few stitches there, some oil grease, computer chips, and it will be as god as new.
thanks jeff changes will be made ASAP :D
DJ your writing was really hooking. I could really understand the character Jack and Ralph. I liked when you start the part off with dialogue.
Kira
DJ,
I really enjoy the waythat you write! i thought that it was very interesting that you started your post with diolauge. it makes it different then everyone else. keep up your good work!
-nikki-
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