So were going to build a fire. The Tulmut reached its highest once Ralph said they would need a fire. They ran fast straight up the bloody mountain, leaving the conch behind. The conch was our only organization, without it no order no peace no taking turns. I grabbed the conch and followed the kids up the mountain. Trying to keep the order of the conch shell.
As soon as i reach up the mountain i can see them Warping the logs to create a fire. "Thats to many thats not how we should make a fire!" i yell out. Jack smiles Scornfully at me acting like he didn't care what i had to say. I quickly move out of the way with Nimble feet knowing what the outcome would be. Ralph and Jack ignored me so i decide to look for the little ones. "BOOM!!!!!" NO! This is bad the fire exploded is anyone hurt this fire is out of control.
Those idiots they never listen to me. They think I'm Irresistible they cant withstand me. "Piggy Shut up" is all they tell me why cant they just listen to me for once if they had this fire wouldn't have turned out like this and this wouldn't have been the unfaithful outcome. I guess im just that officious person they cant stand, well im tired of it and im going to start doing smart things.
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3 comments:
DJ-
Can you do some editing? There are some capitalization issues. Can you also descibe about the little one who disappeared? Can you fix the spelling of tumult? I'm not sure that you used the word warp correct. Great blog though.
-Emma
DJ,
I like your journal. I think it would be enhanced through some visuals and detailed descriptions.
REVISION: Write a description of the trip up the hill, what the fire looked like. Also, please check your spelling. There are problems with many of your contractions ("im" should be "I'm", etc.)
REVISION: Write a description of the trip up the hill, what the fire looked like. Also, please check your spelling. There are problems with many of your contractions ("im" should be "I'm", etc.)
REVISED: The littluns run up the mountain, we see pigs everywhere and we see fruit. The river water runs beautifully as we stop by to drink some of its refreshing taste.As we reach the top everyone starts gathering wood, as the boom comes i just see a giant uncontrollable fire, as if we were trying to burn a city down instead of make a signal fire.
(will fix the spelling and add on to this coomment)
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